Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I found a pornographic DVD in my husband's suit case. Should I confront him?

I was getting the American Express bill out of his brief case and found the DVD hidden between some papers. I have never known him to do this before. We have watched together, but I never thought he was doing it by himself. We have been having a lot of marital problems and going to counseling so I am very concerned now. Especially considering the fact that we are not having sex. could this be contributing?I found a pornographic DVD in my husband's suit case. Should I confront him?
Guys - show of hands - how many of you are just goddamned sick and tired of





[a] being accused of being a pervert for watching some porn ( i am not talking about 19 hours a day of some asian girl sh*tting eels out her snatch - just run of the mill vanilla porn)





[b] your wife ';getting her feelings hurt';





[c] getting thumbs down from all the frigid Miss Priss Eww Don't Get Any On Me whiny self-righteous board posters whenever we try to discuss it?I found a pornographic DVD in my husband's suit case. Should I confront him?
The only reason I would confront the man for doing whatall men do is if I wanted to watch it with him. Granted, you are feeling a little unwanted as of right now due to the marital problems, but he is a man and still needs satisfaction. The two of you do not feel like being intimate right now because you are both angry and a little hurt. He still needs to blow off a little steam. If this means watching a dirty movie rather than hiring a street walker, then so be it. On the other hand, he may have gotten the movie for the two of you, but I doubt it. You should be happy that he respects you and loves you enough to get his needs met without violating the marriage vows. If you were to mention it, I would just get on some lingerie under my clothes as a surprise and ask him to watch it with me. When things get hot and heavy then he would be extremely surprised with what you have underneath your clothes. It would give him the opportunity to see that what he has at home is sooooo much better than anything they could ever put in a video and the sex may relieve enough tension that the two of you can fall back in love and quit arguing for a little while. It won't be permanant, but it would definately lighten the mood at the house a little.
By all means, if you want to convince your husband that you are a control freak who views him as your child to control, confront him. Be sure that your doing that will make it far more likely that he wants to get as far away from his wife-mommy as he possibly can.


Hes an adult, and he has the RIGHT to buy anything that he wants, especially when we're talking about a $20 item. By the way, did you even stop for one second and consider that he got that DVD to help HIM get through HIS tough times ? Man, the sheer lack of empathy that you have for him shows me that hes well rid of you, sooner than later.


You need to get some serious counseling for your controlling issues. Now.
maybe it's for a friend? confront yes but diplomatically and not in front of the kids, btw what if you found a toy vagina would it be worse? it upsets me that women and men even if married think that somehow they have ownership of each other, i seriously defend the rights of an individual (not to cheat with someone else) but if they need to have solo sex they should not have to ask the hus/wif for permission...
How about saying ';hey honey I found a porn in your suitcase, you know you really don't need that, come to mama!'; If you want sex ask for it. I sure he would more than happy to oblige even if you are having some problems. Sometimes married people need sex to work through problems. Its a time to show how much you love each other and to have fun with each other again. Just try it out. It couldn't hurt. You know at least you found a porno tape and not evidence that he was cheating.
Set your pride aside, whoop it on him!!!! The reason why he has the dvd is because he is probably getting something from that he wished he could get from you. No disrespect but ******* would solve some of the marital problems, not all of them. I don't live in your home, but having a pornographic dvd with grown women on them is perfectly normal. As long as there are no young children on there you shouldn't have anything to worry that much about.





What ever you two are arguing about you need to let it go and thank God you two still have each other. Fix your problems, don't let something as small as a dvd create more problems for you. The only reason you think it's a problem is because you're a woman, and the fact that he's looking at another woman, who looks highly desireable in almost nothing......offends you a great deal. I don't understand womens jealousy towards other women, especially when their husbands will probably never meet these women.





Now I don't know your husband either, but I'm sure he wouldn't put up a fuss if you had a dvd with a bunch of penis' showing hidden somewhere he didn't expect. In fact he would probably laugh at it in amazement.





My advice to you is, don't get mad step your game! hit the gym get your body tight and most of all; get back to the basics. Focus on loving each other and being a family, trust me when I tell you a marriage will outlast a porno dvd any day.





God Bless and god luck!
Are you for sure that it wasn't intended for the two of you? Maybe he picked it up for that purpose. I'd ask. I'm glad to hear you're in counseling. Are you going together? I hope so. I wish you the best with that.


The fact that you ain't having sex may be the answer. This could be something to bring up (after you spoke to him at home) in therapy. Just make sure that you let him know how you feel about finding this video.


Good luck %26amp; God bless.
Nahhh this usually fired up men to want to do things with you... I think you really need to keep going to your counseling at least he is willing to go.. That has to mean he is at least trying.. The good thing about counseling is that at the end it let you know if your marriage is going to make it or not.. I suggest you keep going just in case is not going to make it then it will be easier for you to handle.. about the porno all men have these I would not worry about that... good luck.
of course your not having sex is contributing to this. DVD is harmless compared to what other ways he could be doing to release. They guy is normal with normal male desires, he's not getting it in his marraige now.
yes you should confront him but do it in a relaxed state of mind in a way that wont embarrass or make him feel uncomfortable.just let him know he doesn't need to hide it.It is perfectly normal,and of course a little embarrassing for anyone.hope this helps..good luck.
Maybe it was supposed to be a surprise for you because he's trying? You said you've watched together before so you never know...


But if you're having problems, it could be more serious.
Give him a break, it is a video. I would think the lack of sex may be a reason he is watching the video.
I don't think you have anything to worry about. You guys have watched it together, so what if he does it alone? Whats different about that?
As long as he watched it alone I don't see a problem. The problem is what if he watched it with someone else? Have you ever known him to watch it alone?
the reason he has the porn is because you aren't having sex... its a guy thing give the guy a break
no he just needs to mix things up


and


as long as he's not screwing anyone else


idk if that matters...


as long as you trust taht you will get through it


you should be fine
is it 2 girls 1 cup video? if not, then I wouldnt worry.
Ask him

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